Apparently you make a good broom.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
