He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
