Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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