what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
did i walk over a car last night?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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