I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
