she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
