I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
