i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize