nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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