When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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