i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize