His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
