nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
