tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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