my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
