I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
