I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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