I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
