Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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