gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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