You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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