I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
