Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
false alarm, still single
Randomize
