Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
