i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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