i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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