My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
