New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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