so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
