I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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