I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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