He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize