I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
