just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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