I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
