I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
