no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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