i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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