I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
