She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
