Just cropdusted the office
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
