So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
