Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
