could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
