I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
