Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my shit smells like andre
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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