Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
