I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
