She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize