I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize