so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
