the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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