So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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