Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
my liver is dry heaving
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
