Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
