the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
