My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
