STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
