She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize