why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
