im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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