bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
