i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
