he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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