those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
