cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
