I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
