Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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